The inability to control my thoughts has been a problem throughout my entire life. This lack of control has lead to an almost obsessive need to plan out my everyday life. In turn, that has contributed to the amount of pressure that I put on myself. On one hand, this pressure can drive me to new heights of achievement. On the other hand, too much pressure can push me into an anxiety-induced downward spiral. Finding a balance between these two points is a challenging puzzle in itself.
As a part of planning out what I want to accomplish, I have a habit of setting daily goals for myself. Each morning, these goals start out as a general list of activities that I want to do during the day. Over time, I may narrow this list to include more specific things, such as writing a certain number of words in my ongoing novel. These specifics are meant to keep to focused on a single task and provide a sense of accomplishment once the task is done. Even when only a fraction of the goal is achieved, the pride of growing toward a goal remains, and also tens to fend off any feelings of depression that I might have. The key is to find something that you are passionate about. Passion is a great motivator.
However, the passionate drive toward achievement can also heighten a person’s anxiety if not handled properly. In my case, I tend to put too much pressure on myself to meet my daily goals. Any delay, whether by health issues or otherwise, can often put me at risk of having panic attacks. These attacks can range in severity, from having difficulty breathing to uncontrollable crying. I have learned that deep breathing exercises can often help calm me, to where to can either think rationally or get much-needed rest. Even if they can not be avoided, panic attacks serve to remind me of how little control that I truly have, and thus how much my faith in Jesus is. In fact, a recent late night panic attack was turned off like a light switch the moment that I prayed to Jesus for help.
Handling daily life, especially when you have an uniquely-challenged life, can quickly become a balancing act. The quest for independence and accomplishment must be tempered by breaking it into a series of short-term goals. In addition, it is important to allow yourself take breaks when they are needed. It’s okay to admit when things are out of your control. Jesus is always waiting to get you complete and perfect rest. May God bless all of my readers!